Wry insight into bureaucratic teaching

Here is the first of six categories of help that this teacher wants an assistant to do:

Must be willing to make and receive numerous phone calls on a daily basis. Subject of phone calls can be, but is not limited to:

• scheduling parent conferences with 100% success rate
  
• scheduling parent conferences with 100% of the parents
  
• scheduling parent conferences with 100% of the parents to be completed within a 10-day window
  
• scheduling parent conferences for parents that can't actually come on parent conference night
  
• scheduling alternative times for parent conferences during teacher's planning period, before school, or after school (when even the teacher doesn't even know what days he/she will actually HAVE a planning period, or when the teacher only has 1-day lead time as to whether or not they will have morning duty the following week, or when the teacher doesn't know when a last minute after school frivolous meeting will be scheduled)
  
• tracking down missing paperwork/documentation for records
  
• communicating information to parents about missing/incomplete student work
  
• communicating information to parents about their child's negative behaviors in school